Have you ever taken the time to go through your friend list on Facebook just to see exactly who you are friends with? I recently sat down and went through my “friend” list only to realize that the majority of people who I was friends with were not really people I considered to be my friend. The list consisted of individuals from a wide array of accounts of how they became my “friend:” there were people that went to my high school but I never really talked to, random assorts of people who go to my university that I cannot remember ever meeting, and individuals I met once on vacation in 2004 (or some other equally obscure fashion). There were even a few people that I had NO idea who they were and with whom we had no friends in common (no worries, I promptly preceded to remove such individuals from my friend list and send them back into the facebook abyss.)
Well the point behind my large list of Facebook friend scenarios is one crucial fact: people that I call my “friend” on Facebook are not really my friends at all. Social networking sites are dynamically changing the meaning of “friendship,” with arguably Facebook being the greatest culprit as it uses the word “friend” to denote the individuals that you make connections with on their interface. Some of you might argue in response, “Well hey Status, I know these individuals are not really my friends so what is your point? I know who my friends are and who my friends are” and I would have to agree. I too know who is my true friend and who is my Facebook friend. But I feel that it is naive to say that these social networking websites that are taking up so much of our time and energy are not having a lasting effect on our relationship dynamics.
“Oh my gosh, so is it Facebook official?”- I have heard this phrase spoken from my peers countless times over the years since I joined the Facebook community in 2005. And sadly, I would have to admit that I have said the phrase myself (eek!). What one means by “Facebook official” is has your relationship escalated to the level that you have declared it on Facebook (i.e. are you listed as in a relationship with person X on your profile?). No longer is romantic relationship legitimized by wearing your significant other’s letterman’s jacket, class ring or even simply by verbalizing “Yes we are in a relationship.” The way to solidify your relationship is to make it public on Facebook, i.e. “Facebook official.”
So what are the implications of the changing meaning of “friendship” and even the movement to legitimizing romantic relationships in the cyberspace realm? I would argue that such changes are making the process of becoming an individual’s true friend even more challenging for my generation. Yes, you can take the step to friend an individual on Facebook and know all about their lives by going through the 2000 or so pictures of them tagged on their profile…but do you really know them? For me it is scary to think that someone can have the impression that they “know” me since by being my “friend” they have access to digital snapshots of everything I have done in my life since junior year of high school. The dynamics of relationships are changing because even though we can familiarize ourselves with a person, almost to a degree that prior was not possible after just meeting a person, we are going to have to make an even greater effort to legitimize friendships. To truly become friends it is going to have to take more than “friending” them on Facebook, chatting through Facebook chat or viewing their pictures. Contact needs to be made outside the digital realm; a concept I have noticed that many (myself included) are having trouble initiating.
So how do we take our “friendships” beyond the Facebook realm and become friends? More to come…
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